Sex isn’t the most important thing in a marriage. However, it’s definitely a major component of a healthy relationship. More importantly, it is the passion behind your sexual desire for your spouse. It’s not uncommon for people to talk about “losing the spark” in a marriage after a few years. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
You might not have the same butterflies in your stomach that you once did around your spouse, but that doesn’t mean your relationship doesn’t deserve passion, romance, and intimacy. Should you be worried if you’ve lost that passion? Not necessarily. However, it could be a sign that neither of you know what to do to rekindle passion in your relationship.
With that in mind, let’s cover some tips you can use to reignite the passion in your sexless marriage.
Make Time for Each Other
One of the most common reasons why passion tends to fizzle in a marriage is that other things start taking priority over your relationship. Usually, it’s no one’s fault. Schedules get busy. Kids demand attention. Workloads get heavier. Something has to give, and your relationship is usually the first thing to “fall victim” to those time constraints. Therefore, one of the easiest ways to reignite your passion is to make time for each other. Knowing that your partner is specifically carving out time for you (and vice versa) conveys just how important and valued your marriage is. Go on a date at least once or twice a month. Share something you appreciate about your partner daily. No matter how much time you can invest, make sure you’re solely focused on each other and nothing else.
Get Physical In Other Ways
You can build intimacy through other forms of physical attention—not just sex. Sometimes, reigniting your passion can start with something as simple and innocent as holding hands. Make a point to touch more often. Give each other a hug and a kiss every morning and before bed—out of desire, not out of habit. Hold hands whenever possible. Cuddle up on the couch while you watch a movie or go dancing.. That physical touch will remind you both of your attraction and desires and can eventually lead to more in a natural, loving way.
Be Emotionally Vulnerable
Does your spouse know everything about your sexual desires? Do they know what you like and don’t like? Have you ever talked to them about anything you might want to try in the bedroom? Have they ever told you about their own desires? If the answer to those questions is “no,” it could be one of the reasons why your sex life has gone cold. Emotional vulnerability isn’t easy, but it’s something every marriage needs. Be open and honest with your spouse about your sex life. If you aren’t having sex, talk about why. You might learn something about your partner that you never knew before.
Be willing to share whatever you might have been holding back—even if you’ve kept those desires to yourself for years. Your marriage should be considered a safe space to be yourself and open up about your needs and wants—especially when it comes to intimate moments.
Clear out and heal old hurts and resentments
If you find yourself feeling resistant to doing any of the suggestions listed above, there may be a build up of hurts from past experiences in your relationship. It is hard to want to be physically close when you don’t feel safe or see your partner as the source of your pain.
Getting support from a well-trained couple’s counselor to work through resentments can make room for desire to return.
Your marriage isn’t automatically doomed because of a lack of passion. If you’re struggling in a sexless marriage and want more information about the ideas listed here, or if you’ve tried these and still have trouble reigniting that passion, feel free to contact me. Together, we’ll get to the root cause of the issue so that you can enjoy a greater physical and emotional closeness than ever with your spouse.