Tired of having the same arguments over & over?
Learn a different way of communicating to turn conflict into connection.
Address conflict at its roots rather than just trying to solve it in a surface way.
Learn to recognize and respond to each other’s deeper needs.
Move from blame and criticism toward understanding and hope.
What is Imago Relationship Therapy?
Imago Relationship Therapy is a form of couples counseling that helps you understand why the same conflicts keep happening and learn new ways of responding to each other. Rather than focusing only on the problem you're arguing about, Imago helps you understand the feelings and needs behind your reactions so you can work through disagreements in ways that bring you closer. As a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist with more than 25 years of experience helping couples in Boulder and online throughout Colorado, I help couples develop greater understanding, connection, and lasting change in their relationships.
Developed by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D., Imago is based on the idea that our early relationships can shape what feels hurtful to us, how we react when we feel misunderstood or disconnected, and what we long for in our adult relationships. We all develop ways of protecting ourselves when we feel hurt or vulnerable. While these responses may have helped us cope with difficult experiences in the past, they can unintentionally create distance and keep the same painful patterns repeating in our closest relationships.
Have you ever noticed that when your partner criticizes you, even a small comment can feel deeply hurtful? Because this relationship matters so much, we can quickly become defensive, shut down, or say things we later regret. In those moments, it becomes difficult to really hear what our partner is trying to tell us. The Imago Dialogue slows these moments down, creating enough safety for both of you to listen, feel heard, and begin to understand each other.
As you begin to understand why certain words or situations trigger strong reactions in each of you, you can start seeing your partner differently. You may discover that anger or defensiveness is covering up hurt, fear, or an unmet need. Rather than getting caught in the same painful arguments, you can learn to express what you feel and need in ways your partner can better understand, while becoming more open to hearing their experience. From this place of greater understanding, you can work together to find solutions that honor both of your needs and build a relationship with greater closeness, trust, and connection.
How Imago Relationship Therapy Can Strengthen Your Relationship
As a form of couples therapy, Imago helps partners move beyond recurring conflict by creating greater understanding, empathy, and emotional safety. Feeling disconnected from the person you love can be painful, especially when the same arguments keep happening and nothing seems to change. As you learn to recognize the deeper needs and protective patterns beneath your reactions, you'll begin responding to each other in new ways. Instead of getting stuck in cycles of blame and defensiveness, you'll develop the skills to communicate more effectively, reconnect emotionally, and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.
Is Imago Relationship Therapy Right for My Relationship?
Imago Relationship Therapy can benefit couples at every stage of their relationship —from those who are just beginning to build a life together to couples who have been married for decades. Whether you're hoping to strengthen an already healthy relationship or you're feeling discouraged by recurring conflict, emotional distance, or a loss of connection, Imago offers a practical path forward.
This approach is especially helpful for couples who find themselves having the same arguments over and over, struggling to communicate during conflict, recovering from infidelity, or wondering if their relationship can be repaired. Rather than simply teaching better communication, Imago helps you understand what's driving the conflict and gives you practical tools to respond to each other with greater empathy, respect, and understanding.
The goal isn't just to stop arguing. It's to create a relationship where both partners feel heard, valued, understood, and more deeply connected.
How is an Imago therapy session different from other couples counseling?
In many forms of couples counseling, much of the conversation happens between each partner and the therapist. Imago Relationship Therapy is different. Rather than acting as a referee or deciding who is right, my role is to teach and coach the two of you through a structured dialogue that helps you truly understand each other's experience.
The dialogue process creates a safe space where blame, criticism, and defensiveness begin to give way to curiosity and empathy. As you slow the conversation down, you'll begin to recognize that many of your strongest reactions are connected to old hurts, unmet needs, and protective patterns that are being activated in the present. Instead of seeing your partner as the problem, you begin to understand what their frustration, anger, or withdrawal is trying to communicate.
As your understanding deepens, the goal shifts from simply solving the issue you're arguing about to asking a different question: How can I help my partner heal? At the same time, your partner is learning how to better understand and respond to your own hurts and unmet needs. This is where lasting change begins. Rather than remaining stuck in cycles of conflict, you become active participants in one another's healing and growth.
I will guide and support you through this process while teaching you practical tools you can continue using at home. Over time, you'll develop the ability to work through conflict, deepen your connection, and create a relationship where both of you feel seen, heard, understood, and valued.
The Imago Dialogue: Learning to really hear each other
The Imago Dialogue offers a different way to communicate. It gives each of you the opportunity to speak and be heard without interruption or judgment, while learning to listen without immediately defending yourself or trying to fix the problem. Instead of preparing your response or proving your point, you begin to understand what the experience is like for your partner.
Making room for two different perspectives
You and your partner don't have to see things the same way to understand each other. You may experience the same situation very differently, and both experiences matter. Through the dialogue process, you learn to become curious about your partner's perspective rather than assuming you already know what they mean or why they feel the way they do. As understanding grows, differences can become less threatening and conversations can feel less like a battle to be won.
The dialogue has three steps:
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Mirroring – Repeat back what your partner said to show you truly heard them.
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Validation – Affirm that their perspective makes sense, even if you don’t fully agree.
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Empathy – Express care and compassion for their feelings.
These steps shift communication from blame and reactivity to safety and connection. Over time, they help couples rebuild trust and intimacy. As you begin to recognize the feelings and needs behind recurring conflicts, I help you find practical ways to respond differently.
One of these is what Imago calls a Behavior Change Request. Rather than focusing on what your partner is doing wrong, you learn to ask for something specific that would help you feel more connected. For example, you might ask, “Would you be willing to put your phone away during dinner three nights a week so we have time to talk?” Your partner can consider the request and decide what they are willing to do.
With practice, the Imago Dialogue can help you move beyond the same painful conversations and develop a deeper understanding of each other. The goal is not to eliminate differences or avoid conflict, but to learn how to work through disagreements while preserving the connection that matters to both of you.
Can Imago Relationship Therapy help me if I am not married or in a relationship at this time?
Absolutely. Although Imago Relationship Therapy is best known for helping couples, its principles can also be valuable if you're single, dating, or hoping to build healthier relationships in the future.
Imago can help you recognize recurring relationship patterns, such as being drawn to emotionally unavailable, critical, or controlling partners. As you begin to understand how your childhood relationships and other important life experiences have shaped your expectations, reactions, and choices, you'll gain greater insight into why certain relationships feel so familiar—even when they aren't healthy.
You'll also have the opportunity to discover parts of yourself that may have been pushed aside as you learned to adapt to the expectations of family, relationships, or life circumstances. As you become more aware of these patterns and begin to heal them, you'll be better equipped to make healthier relationship choices, communicate your needs more openly, and build the kind of relationship you truly want.
How Long are Imago Sessions?
The initial Imago session is two hours long. This gives us time to explore the challenges you're facing in your relationship, understand what each of you hopes to achieve through therapy, and discuss the theory behind Imago Relationship Therapy. You'll also have the opportunity to experience the Imago Dialogue process firsthand, giving you a feel for how this approach works before deciding whether it's the right fit for your relationship.
After the initial session, most appointments are 80–90 minutes. The additional time allows us to slow the conversation down and work through important issues using the Imago Dialogue process without feeling rushed. Both partners have the opportunity to feel heard and understood while exploring the deeper hurts, unmet needs, and protective patterns beneath the conflict.
As your understanding of each other grows, you'll naturally begin responding to one another with greater empathy and care. Rather than simply resolving individual disagreements, you'll be learning a new way of relating that helps both of you heal, grow, and strengthen your relationship over time.
If you’d like to create meaningful change in your relationship and want to know more about Imago therapy in Boulder or online, I invite you to contact me for a free 20-minute phone consultation.
Click the video below to view a brief introduction to Imago Relationship Therapy
We have been working with Darleen off and on for 4 years-she’s seen us through dating, engagement, marriage, newlyweds and first time parents. By going to Darleen on a consistent basis, I have a better understanding of the challenges I face, my husband faces, and the challenges we face together. I look at our arguments now as great chances to grow, each as individuals, and as a couple...
S.W.
